Welcome back to mom talk Monday! This Monday I am finally talking about a subject that scared me to write about. Breastfeeding, in my opinion is such a tricky topic. I never want to “mom shame” anyone, ever! We are all doing our best to raise our little ones and every obstacle overcome should be a celebration. This post is not to”brag” by any means, but to share my story with you guys. I hope to encourage the mom who feels like giving up to stick to it! I hope to inspire the mom on the fence about breastfeeding to simply give it a try. I am simply here to just share. So here is my story…
When I first found out that I was pregnant I knew that I wanted to attempt breastfeeding. I knew that it was something that was uncontrollable and something that you had to work on. I am not going to lie, I was super unprepared and honestly lucky! However, my transition into Motherhood was a crazy ride.
My labor and delivery was nothing like a walk in the park. It ended with a c- section and me having to be put under. Lets just pass by that. After my horrible labor and delivery I went into what I think was post partum depression. My body had failed me and took away my opportunity to hear Blake’s first cry and for me to see my husband’s reaction to our first-born. I vowed the moment that I woke up to not fail at breastfeeding.
My thinking was this….I was the only one who could provide breast milk for her, ME and only ME! I did not want to fail at this. I was determined to connect with my daughter and get that personal time back that I lost. In the hospital every single chance that I got I would call the lactation nurse. I would ask questions and get her to check Blakely’s latch. My husband ( God bless him) would be right there cheering me on, helping me get her latched. You hear so many horror stories about breast-feeding that I wanted to share a positive one. Honestly my experience was not even close to horror, it was more of a blessing.
“Breastfeeding saved me from post-partum depression.”
There would be times where I would get so overwhelmed, and by overwhelmed I don’t mean that I was overwhelmed with the transition of Motherhood. I mean overwhelmed with too much help. My experience made me want to do everything myself. Post-partum depression is different for everyone, and for me I felt as though my body failed me. My thought process was that now I needed to do everything for her by myself, and no one else should, only me! Don’t get it confused, my thought process was wrong! I still took all the help I could get because I knew it was only there for a limited time, but it was hard for me.
It was hard to allow myself to let others care for Blakely. It was hard to let others hold Blake. There would be times that I would just sit and cry, and I didn’t understand why I had this frustration. I couldn’t understand why I felt the need to be the one caring for her at all times until I looked up “post-partum depression”.
Reading about post-partum depression I understood that I needed to bond with Blakely. Breastfeeding let me get that bonding time back. I have always been a super private person so breastfeeding was my “excuse” to leave the room with my baby when company was over. It was my excuse to make people leave so I can cope and just hold Blakely, to stare at her and do nothing else. The feeling I would get when feeding Blake was something I couldn’t explain.
It was powerful and emotional. I honestly felt like super woman! Going on 10 months now I can proudly say that I still breastfeed. There is nothing like your baby looking up at you in the middle of a feeding to just smile. Breastfeeding was my escape to relaxation, where just Blakely and I could sit and be together. I over came the obstacle of “post-partum depression”. I over came it because of my support team.
With all the help in the hospital and at home, I truly believe that SUPPORT is everything in this journey. There will be times where it is hard. There will be times when every latch takes your breath away. There will be times where you want to give up! Do me a favor and don’t harp on those moments. Focus on the bigger picture and take a second to look down at your baby during the feeding. Nothing is quite like those moments! Nothing will bring those moments back!
You are super woman and you can and will get through this! You are not alone!
Thank you to my mom for always encouraging me not to give up! Thank you to my husband for making Blakely latch when I had no will power to keep going. Thank you to the rest of my family and friends for always allowing me to share my stories, for providing me a place to feed, and for making plans around her feeding schedule.